Saturday, November 12, 2005

Looking back

She threw the pants down as tears of frustration stung at her eyes. She looked like a 22 year old brat and she also felt like one. She had just recovered from an unbelievable fit of nausea. The throws of vomit had taken over her whole body leaving her neck aching and her throat sore. Afterwards she immediately called her mother, who soon came over.
“Ummi, I can’t fit into anything,” she spoke to her mother. She stared down sorrowfully at the subtle swell of her abdomen, the over-flowing fullness of her breasts. She was rounder, softer and more emotional than usual.
“What did you expect,” her mother responded. “You’re pregnant. That baby is going to take over your whole body…didn’t I already tell you that,” her all knowing mother wit was at times too critical to swallow.
“I know… I’m only three months,” Amani began searching for something else to wear.
“Let me see that stomach,” Ummi stated as she pulled up her daughters t-shirt, exposing small, round belly. She began to push and prod at The Belly, staring at it inquisitively.
“There’s nothing wrong with you…it’s only natural,” her voice began to take on a softer tone.
Amani began to wonder what it was she had expected when she embarked on this journey to motherhood. Did she just expect a positive EPT and nine months later a cherubic baby would come from the stork, with her eyes and her husband’s keyhole nostrils? No, she wasn’t that naïve, but everyday she discovered things that no one had told her about. Yes, this baby was indeed taking over every inch of her body. From the swell of her breasts, sudden explosive growth of her nails and hair, to her sudden fits of nausea at some moments and unending hunger at others. She knew that this was just the beginning and she was somewhat scared and ashamed of her fear. Each month would offer her many more joys and sorrows and she was beginning to know and accept that fact.
“Let me help you find something,” Ummi found an elastic waist skirt, and an oversized tunic.
Putting the pieces on, Amani realized that she didn’t look that bad.
This was three months ago, before hurricane Katrina took away Amani’s home, and material things. She is not alone. Nature is cruel at times, and it doesn’t discriminate. Amani often looks back on that afternoon. She yearns for a time when her biggest worry was the swell of her belly and what to wear. She is six months along now, and what was once a soft curve is bordering on a basketball-sized mound. Impossible to hide or ignore. Soon the life growing within her would have to face this world, whether it is ready for him or not.
Now her biggest worry is how to care for the growing baby inside, instead of how to clothe the baby she once was.
© 2005 Amani Esa


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lotta' La-La.

12:44 AM, May 01, 2007  

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